Irresponsible parents send their 5-year-old kids to Kindergarten without being potty trained: 'It’s basically learned helplessness. They know mom is going to change them, so they just don’t care.'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 10, 2026 8:30 PM EDT

Why would they care if they don't know a life outside of diapers? 

Many parents think their kids should be directing their own lives. They think that their 3-year-old will communicate with them about when they're ready to be potty trained, but that couldn't be further from the truth. Kids need their parents to plan their lives and work with them on hitting milestones. Some milestones, like speaking in full sentences, will come naturally to a kid. Learning how to use a toilet is something that needs to be taught by parents. A kid isn't just going to wake up one day and decide that it's time for them to be potty-trained. They might be influenced to learn how to do it because they see their older sibling learning how (that's what happened with my younger sister and me). A kid isn't going to fully learn how to go to the bathroom if their parent isn't committed to teaching them and letting them have some accidents along the way. 

Most kids should be potty trained by age 3, but some parents are waiting until their kid is 4 or even 5 before taking pull-ups away. The result is that more and more kids are starting Kindergarten without knowing how to use the restroom, and teachers are at a loss about how to handle this. It's 2 weeks before Kindergarten starts, and this preschool teacher is miffed that 5 kids in her class are allowed to move on to Kindergarten in Pull-Ups. She's probably grateful they're no longer her problem. 

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  • 01
    Kindergarten students, who should be able to manage going to the bathroom independently, especially if they can read and write independently.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Kindergarten students, who should be able to manage going to the bathroom independently, especially if they can read and write independently. 

    The children in this photo are not the children in the story. 

  • 02

    Several of my preschoolers will be starting kindergarten in 2 weeks and they still aren’t potty trained.

    So I work as a part time daycare floater. While I could be full time I prefer the flexible hours so I can be with my daughter (20 months) more.
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 03
    There are several children in pre school class that are in diapers or pull ups. As a floater it normal falls to me to change them and while I really don't mind it's crazy that these
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 04
    kids are capable of having full blown conversations while I'm changing them like a baby.
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 05
    Here's the crazier part. They start kindergarten in 2 weeks. We are sending 5 kids to kindergarten in pull ups which at this point they are just treating like a diaper.
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 06
    I don't even know what to do. These kids are more than capable of using the potty. None of them are neurodivergent. But according to the lead teacher it's basically learned helplessness.
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 07
    They know mom is going to change them. So they just don't care. And when you talk to their parents it's always the same thing "oh we've tried everything". Which is obviously a lie. Specially
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 08
    when I'm in a mommy group with some of these ladies.
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 09
    vssavant2 Just another thing that will become our fault.
    via u/vssavant2
  • 10
    Squishmallow145 Its not just toileting. I work with kids in therapeutic setting. Most of the parents never say no to their kids. I have parents breastfeeding 7 year olds and complaining about the teacher because the teacher told the child its not ok to pull at shirts. I'm seeing healthy 6 year olds in diapers
    via u/Squishmallow145
  • 11
    imamominthemiddle I know a kid who's 11 and still uses a pacifier. Often. And her parent will go out and buy new ones when she chews them even if it's inconvenient. Ridiculous.
    via u/imamominthemiddle
  • 12
    CoolClearMorning I live in a state where we actually had to pass a law requiring kindergartners to be potty trained (with exceptions for students with dis ) because it was becoming such a problem. When my kids were in diapers I couldn't wait for them to get trained--who , or carrying a big diaper bag likes cleaning up everywhere? I have no idea what goes through some of these parents' heads who aren't toilet training their kids when they're ready.
    via u/CoolClearMorning
  • 13
    Independent-Cup-9163 OP I feel like some of them wait too long so the kid just stops caring. Then it just becomes normalized. My state needs to do that. From what Ive heard the public schools can't legally reject them for potty issues.
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 14
    BubblyRhubarb9611 Correct. They have size 7 diapers now!!!
    via u/BubblyRhubarb9611
  • 15
    Independent-Cup-9163 OP Size 8 actually. But these kids are coming in with pull ups. And then parents can say "see we are trying. It's a pull up" And then at no point is any progress being made
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 16
    Narf234 How are parents finding it easier to change diapers than potty train their kids? Aren't you s ck of changing multiple times a day?
    via u/Narf234
  • 17
    Disposable diapers and cloth diapers, both of which are inconvenient in their own unique ways.
    via Šárka Hyková

    Disposable diapers and cloth diapers, both of which are inconvenient in their own unique ways. 

  • 18
    jdog7249 Are you sure they are changing them multiple times a day?
    via u/jdog7249
  • 19
    PartyPorpoise What gets me is that parents always complain about how expensive diapers are. I'm not a parent, but my guess is that they find potty training too difficult in the moment, despite it being better in the long run, so they put it off as long as possible.
    via u/PartyPorpoise
  • 20
    undergrad_overthat In my experience, they're not willing to push it when the kid doesn't want to do something, and rare is the child who wants to potty train (at first, because its new and different - but they get excited after they have the first successes). Parents will ask "do you want to sit on the potty?" and when the kid says no, thats that. Diapers stay on because the 3 year old says so! And then the parent says "we're having such a hard time potty training!".
    via u/undergrad_overthat
  • 21
    I'm a nanny. I have potty trained a handful of kids now, none of them mine, all of them older than they should have been potty trained, and I'm always the one doing all the work on it. Parents are lost. They don't know how to do it and they aren't willing to try because it's yucky. In my experience, it's really not that hard (the hardest part is usually getting the first in the potty) it's just a matter of deciding to do it and following through. Which honestly is true of most things with kids!
    via u/undergrad_overthat
  • 22
    Thorninthefoot Yup. They think they need consent or some such thing. It's crazy. One of my kids was so hard to convince to in the potty, I told her I'd get an ice cream cake if she did. I thought once she tried it, she would realize it's a lot better than pooping in the diaper. It worked too.
    via u/Thorninthefoot
  • 23
    Independent-Cup-9163 OP I know this sounds crazy but diapers are convenient. The early stages of potty training are way harder than changing diapers. But it's worth it
    via u/Independent-Cup-9163
  • 24
    the_owl_syndicate I flat out tell parents I will call them every single time to change their kids. I have an entire list of reasons I've rattled off more than once, including the liability of me, an unrelated adult, changing an unrelated child, and supervision of the rest of the class. It's not like I can close the bathroom door, leaving the class unsupervised or leaving the door open, exposing the child to their classmates. It's amazing how often other adults, often parents, are surprised that
    via u/the_owl_syndicate
  • 25
    DirtyNord This is wild. I teach 6th, but have a 3yo daughter. We couldn't even register her for preschool unless we could guarantee she was potty trained.
    via u/DirtyNord
  • 26
    robbiea 1353 Send the unhousebroken kids to the nurse every single time. Call the parents to pick them up every single time call CPS for child neglect. Make it a total pain in the backside for the parents; so they will do their job. If you're in a state where kindergartners are ok in diapers; contact your union rep, the state department of education; and walk out. This is a hill to di on! Of course this doesn't matter if there's a medical issue.
    via u/robbiea1353

  • Why do you think some parents are holding off on potty training their kids for so long? Are the parents just lazy, or have schools lowered the bar? 

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kindergarten potty training diapers potty bad parenting teachers toilet paper teacher bad parents dad toilet diaper mom preschool
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